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In his poem, Love After Love, Derek Walcott writes of “the stranger who has loved you all your life.” The phrase evokes a secret romance waiting to be revealed. Sounds like the exciting stuff of which Harlequin Romances are made! Within the context of Walcott’s poem, however, the phrase is more enigmatic than may first appear, as we also learn that the “stranger” is none other than oneself: “You will love again the stranger who was your self.” Clearly, Walcott has another type of love in mind. Immediately below is the poem in its entirety: The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life. For me, the poignancy of this enigmatic poem resides in Walcott’s resolution of a theme that runs through every human life, namely, self-alienation and the journey back to self, and the rich imagery he employs to convey this experience. The thought of self-alienation is quizzical, isn’t it? How can one be alienated from oneself? After all, I am always living in my own skin, am I not? During my morning ablutions I look in the mirror and discover myself looking back at me - without fail - every morning. As I go through my day people invoke me as “Alex” and I never have to pause and wonder to whom they are speaking. The thoughts I think as Alex today are fundamentally the same thoughts I thought as Alex yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that… as well as my emotions, and my sensations (It is always my right shoulder that is stiff after a workout.). Seems to me that I am always living in my own skin. What, then, is this talk of “self-alienation”? To understand self-alienation one must understand that the sense of self is not revealed by the ego structure with which one is identified, i.e., thoughts, emotions, sensations, a name, the recognition of oneself in the mirror. Rather, the sense of self is revealed behaviorally - by the nature of the ego’s activity in the world, for at the root of every egoic action lies a motive that reveals the reality of who one truly is. [Cue Hamlet: “ay, there's the rub!”] Motive, my friends, is what reveals the sense of self. The question of motive could entail a lengthy answer so I will cut to the chase and share the insight I have gathered over the course of my many years of navel gazing. While listing a number of adjectives could suffice for an answer to the question of human motivation, e.g., happy, sad, inquisitive... etc, there is a more primal motivation that drives ALL human (and animal) behavior. The primal motivation of which I speak is the desire for instinctual satisfaction, expressed in three different ways: one-on-one relationships (including sexual); social relationships; and efforts toward self-preservation, e.g., food and shelter. The desire for instinctual satisfaction is a normal (and thereby healthy) modus operandi because it is necessary for survival. However, when instinctual satisfaction is pursued in excess it becomes instinctual gratification (an unhealthy modus operandi). For instance, while sex and food are necessary for survival, only a certain amount of sex and food are necessary for survival. Whereas, the exessive pursuit of sex and food is not necessary for survival and actually indicates a problematic psychological state (on which more shortly below). Another way of saying this is to say that instinctual gratification is instinctual satisfaction become addiction. (If you need a psychological safety net here, “creature comforts” are a gray area, a sort of neutral zone between instinctual satisfaction and instinctual gratification - a judgment call on your part.) Here we have come full circle for it is instinctual gratification (addiction) that motivates most human action in our modern world (especially in the materialistic/capitalistic west, where instinctual gratification is the name of the game). (*Remember, I am cutting to the chase here. For those desiring a more detailed discussion of this topic, my upcoming core curriculum will delve more thoroughly into the matter.) As a motive for action in the world, instinctual gratification reveals something very telling about one’s sense of self. It reveals that oneself, in and of oneself, is not sufficient for oneself. Hence, one comes to the unconscious belief that satisfaction in life can only be found outside of oneself (in excessive pursuit of the objects of instinctual gratification). Claudio Naranjo, one of the earliest western enneagram teachers, stated the matter thusly: “Every person develops a style of compensating for the ontological emptiness that is at the center of ego.”
Though most people cannot put words to their experience of self-alienation, on some level they are aware that their sense of self is this experience of self-alienation. This is why Walcott’s poem, though enigmatic, offers profound comfort for people: it puts words to the experience of self-alienation. Love after Love tells you that you have ignored yourself, “for another.” In the words of this blog post, that other is the objects of instinctual gratification that have become the focus of your life. In this sense, the poem offers a type of diagnosis of your ontological crisis, as if a doctor finally diagnosed a chronic medical condition that has puzzled you your entire life. There is great comfort in finally being able to put words to one’s condition, for this holds out the possibility of resolution. Indeed, Walcott’s poem not only offers profound comfort by putting words to the experience of self-alienation, it also offers profound comfort by prescribing a remedy for the condition. You must “Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life.” In other words, you must take stock of the fact that you have become alienated from your own heart by the excessive pursuit of the objects of instinctual gratification. Then, you must change the focus of your life. That is, you must redirect your attention and your efforts toward your own heart, where you will become reacquainted with your true self. This is the other type of love Walcott had in mind when penning this poem. Becoming free of the entrapment of instinctual gratification and returning to one’s true self is a profound experience. It is a reacquaintance with the innate joy of one’s own being, leading to a palpable shift in one’s sense of self. Hence the rich imagery Walcott employs to convey this experience. The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. [Then you shall] Feast on your life! The quote from the Katha Upanishad and the video of Shaina Noll's song, Return Again (both immediately below) are additional material, consistent with the theme of this post. They are well worth pondering and listening...
Namaste,
Alex |
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